He is a good, good Father

Last night, we went to the Saturday night service at our church. Samuel wanted to go to "Big Church" with me and James, so we agreed to let him join us. I held him during some of the worship service so he could see the band.  One of the songs that our worship pastor lead us in was "Good, Good Father."

Here are some of the words if you're not familiar with the song:

You're a good good Father. It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

As I stood there, singing with Samuel in my arms, I smiled with gratitude. There was a season in our adoption story when I was so grief stricken that trying to sing that song would have sucked the air out of my lungs and left tears streaming down my face.  Doubt. doubt. doubt. It didn't feel like He was a good Father. I didn't feel like I was loved by Him. "I do believe; help my unbelief!" from Mark 9:24 became the cry of my heart.

And now, He has blessed us with the children we longed for.

This popped up in my Facebook memories last night.

I looked at the date, and my mind went back to the tragic news that we had recieved a few days prior. The little Ethiopian babe that we had longed to bring home, was going to be leaving the world soon. Her health was utterly failing. She left this world just after Thanksgiving, only a few weeks later.  My heart was crushed that Sunday, five years ago. I remember praying and weeping with two of our pastors after church. One of whom was an adoptee himself and the other an adoptive father. I remember wondering where God was.  I was grateful -and still am- for the body of Christ who grieved with us, and prayed for us - especially when I had no words to pray. One of the pastors who prayed with us that Sunday was Stephen Miller. (If you aren't familiar with his music, go check it out. It is gospel saturated.) He shared a quote on Facebook yesterday from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening that tied in well with what I had been remembering.

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands."

Isaiah 49:16

What can be more astounding than the unfounded doubts and fears of God's favoured people? The Lord's loving word of rebuke should make us blush; he cries, "How can I have forgotten thee, when I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands? How darest thou doubt my constant remembrance, when the memorial is set upon my very flesh?" O unbelief, how strange a marvel thou art! We know not which most to wonder at, the faithfulness of God or the unbelief of his people. He keeps his promise a thousand times, and yet the next trial makes us doubt him. He never faileth . . . and yet we are as continually vexed with anxieties, molested with suspicions, and disturbed with fears, as if our God were the mirage of the desert.  Heaven and earth may well be astonished that rebels should obtain so great a nearness to the heart of infinite love as to be written upon the palms of his hands. "I have graven thee." It does not say, "Thy name." The name is there, but that is not all: "I have graven thee." See the fullness of this! I have graven thy person, thine image, thy case, thy circumstances, thy sins, thy temptations, thy weaknesses, thy wants, thy works; I have graven thee, everything about thee, all that concerns thee; I have put thee altogether there. Wilt thou ever say again that thy God hath forsaken thee when he has graven thee upon his own palms?

In the midst of sorrow, grief, and loss our hope lies in the Risen One who bears the wounds that were necessary us to be adopted into the family of God. He is ever with the rebels that he redeemed. His ear ever listen to our prayers and pleas. He is always faithful to the ones He spilled His life for.

Eva Kate's Adoption Day

On January 8th, we got to celebrate the one year anniversary of Eva Kate legally becoming our daughter.  As with Samuel's first anniversary, I breathed a little sigh of relief. According to our attorney, there is little legal precedent for adoptions coming into question after a year of the finalization.  With the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision in just a few days, I thought this would be a good time to post this. Our kids have the brave woman as their birthmom. Their birth fathers both advocated for her to abort these two precious lives. She obviously didn't listen to them, and we are forever grateful that she made the courageous choice to give these little ones the gift of life.  We are so thankful for her belief in the sanctity of human life.

We had a fun evening with Eva Kate. James and I both worked that day, but he brought home St. Louis' finest cupcakes from Jilly's Cupcake Bar for us to have for dessert. Then she had a gift waiting for her in the basement.

We gave her a play kitchen. She and Samuel both love it, and they have already had several hours of fun with it.

 James gave her a silver coin. He a few of them for her to choose from, and she picked out a Chinese Panda.

On the following Saturday, we all went out to lunch at The Tattooed Dog. This place is about twenty minutes west of our house, and I'm glad it's not closer. Or else I'd be tempted to eat there too often. They have delicious gourmet burgers. I ordered kids' meals for Samuel and Eva. The hot dog that came with Eva's was way bigger than what they give you at the ballpark. She didn't come close to finishing it.

The next day. we all went to the art museum. This place is such a treasure. Monet, Van Gogh, Picasso, Warhol, Chagall, Renoir - to name a few. They had several pieces of Native American art on display too. We got to see the new wing that they just added, where there was a fun contemporary art display.

We are so thankful to God for making you our daughter, Eva Kate!

It's a Boy!

I know many of you have been praying for us through all the drama we've experienced in our adoption process.  Those prayers have finally been answered! We switched to the domestic infant adoption program with our agency in December, and we have some wonderful news to share!

At 3:38 pm on Friday 2/3/12, James called me and asked if I had seen the message from our agency about a new cold call situation. I was at work, and I had not seen it. I was on my way to the hospital to deliver medications to a transplant patient. I asked him to read the post to me. It was about a newborn baby boy right here in the St. Louis area. (FYI - A "cold call" is when the birthmom has no contact with the adoption agency prior to the child's birth. She contacts the agency soon after the child is born.)

On my way to the hospital, I prayed and asked God to let my heart and James' heart be in agreement if this baby was to be part of our family. After I was finished at the hospital, we decided to ask for more information on the case. By the time my shift was over, we had received the second email. We talked things over that night after dinner, and we decided to proceed. I sent the social worker a text message at 9:42 pm saying that we wanted to be considered for that child.

Saturday morning (2/4/12), James and I were getting ready to go to the YMCA.   At 9:58 AM we got a call from our agency telling us that we had been chosen to parent this little boy! Three of the social workers that have been walking down this road with us, and praying for us were on the phone - they all wanted to be able to deliver this long awaited news! It just did not seem real.  After spending almost three years trying to adopt a child from Ethiopia, our son was born 30 minutes from our home. My head started swimming.  There was so much to be done before we brought this baby home. The nursery was a mess. The furniture was partially taken apart and none of it was in the right place. We didn't have an infant car seat. We didn't have diapers, wipes, or bottles. We needed a name! We didn't have a single boy name picked out.We made plans to meet our social worker and the hospital at 2 pm so we could meet our baby. I went on to the YMCA, hoping that getting some time in on the elliptical would help me think clearly.  (It helped, but not much. Ha!)

While we were getting ready to go to the hospital, we talked about a name.  We threw several options around, and we were able to make a tentative decision.  We left for the hospital and prayed on the way there.























We spent four hours at the hospital with our little man that day. We both fed him, and changed his diaper.  By the next day, we had decided on a name -

Samuel Stephen

Samuel is after James' maternal grandfather.  His name is Carl, but he is known as Sam to many. He was the youngest of five children, and his momma was out of baby names when he was born.  His still didn't have a name by his second day of life. His siblings started asking their mom what they were going to name the baby.  She said -"Anything but Sam."  Well, siblings being siblings, they started calling him Sam.  He is 85 years old, and he is still known as Sam.  Little Samuel, may you have the long life, devotion to God, and wisdom that your Great-Grandfather has had.

Stephen is after my dad and after Samuel's Godfather.  My dad has a kind heart, and he is ever ready to tell someone about Jesus.  I've heard him tell telemarketers that they need Jesus. Part of his speech that he gave at my rehearsal dinner was the Gospel.  He also enjoys entertaining the kids at church - Samuel, I bet the first time you met Santa it will be with your Grandpa dressed up playing the part. Early in our adoption process, we had to name a guardian for our future child. We prayed about it, and the same two people kept coming to our minds - James' youngest cousin Stephen and his wife Elizabeth.  They prayed about it too, and they agreed.  I was at a St. Louis Blues Hockey game when Stephen called me to tell that he and Elizabeth wanted to be our child's Godparents. Stephen has an adventurous spirit, a heart for the Gospel, and the willingness to serve God and follow him where He calls. He and Elizabeth went to Kenya on a dental mission trip this past summer.  Samuel, may you value obedience to Jesus above all, may your tongue be a quick to speak of Jesus as these two men, and may your feet be swift to follow the call of Jesus wherever He may take you.

Samuel, people all over the world have been praying for you. People all over the US, friends in Canada and Ethiopia.  When we started our adoption process, we thought we'd be adding a little brown-skinned girl from Ethiopia to our family.  After suffering through four failed referrals Ethiopia, we just didn't know why God did not see fit to add one of those little girls to our family.  He knew all along when you would be born and that you were meant to be our son.

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him."

1 Samuel 1:27 (ESV)

Thanks be to God from whom all blessings flow!