Thursday, July 21, 2011

Back from Ethiopia

We got home Sunday from what should have been our court trip. On Tuesday last week, just before we went to the orphanage to meet Baby M, we were informed that our agency had just learned that Baby M has a half-sister who was adopted to the US two years ago. The half sister was adopted through an different agency. The other family family was informed about our situation, with the two failed referrals and they were informed that we were willing to do what we could to keep the girls in touch. Both agencies were both in favor of us proceeding. We asked if the other family would be given the option to adopt Baby M, but our agency dodged that question. We were told that we should go ahead and meet Baby M. So we did. We held her, played with her, and fed her. She even fell asleep in my arms. We took a bunch of photos and James shot a lot of video.

We were supposed to go to court on Thurs. Three people from our agency came to the guest house to talk to us & we knew that they probably had bad news. They informed us that the other family had chosen to adopt Baby M, and there is nothing we can do. Our agency’s country director is the one who told us, and he wept as he spoke to us. He has worked in social services for many years, and he said that this was the hardest day of his career.

Our agency gave us three different children to consider. Two boys and one girl, all under one year of age. We spoke with a pediatrician on Thurs. and went through all the medical records for all three children. The girl is the healthiest one, although the two boys are in fairly good health too. We got to meet all three children while we were there. Over the weekend, our agency sent a team to the hometowns of two of the children. They conducted investigations over the weekend to see if there are any issues that could cause problems with the adoption. On Monday, they will send another team to do another investigation. Within two weeks we should know if they are any problems. We are not certain that we even want to give this other try, it depends on what the investigations turn up. Our agency's stateside office should have the results of the 1st investigations sometime today. The staff is confident that they can get our case submitted to court before the court closure in August, however it is unlikely that we will get another court date before the end of Sept.

These past two weeks have been extremely difficult. We are not pleased with the way this disaster transpired or with the way James and I were treated by a particular social worker while we were in Ethiopia. Baby M never should have been referred to us.  The staff in Ethiopia found out about the sister early enough in July that we could have canceled our trip if they had told us right away. They decided to sit on the information for a little while and allow us to go ahead and make the trip. Our agency's stateside staff is not pleased about that. There is a lot more to this story that I'd like to share, but I feel that it is not appropriate to share all of the details publicly at this time. I will say that if you are pursuing and Ethiopian adoption through our agency, to proceed with extreme caution. (Unless you know me in some capacity outside of the blog, you don't know what agency we are working with. I have removed their name from all of my posts.) I will be more than happy to give you an earful if you talk to me.
We now have been through three failed referrals, and are wondering what else can go wrong. I'm at a place where I'm tried of investing my time, energy, and heart into adoption. I'm tried of praying about adopting a child & I'm tried of asking others to do the same. I'm tired of printing out photos of little girls that get referred to us and putting them up all over our house, just to throw them in the trash a few months later. I'm tired of mailing photos of another little child off to our parents, just to have to make another difficult phone call to them telling that we won't be bringing that child home either. I'm tired of getting every one's hopes up.

I wish I could rewind the past two years.


  1. That's so frustrating and heart-breaking! I'm angry at the agency right along with you. That is totally unacceptable. They should be reimbursing/ refunding you for all fees and travel expenses. I'm so sorry that you continue to have to hurt. I pray that you don't give up on adopting a baby, somehow. Maybe it's through a different agency, even. I know that God has a baby for you somewhere, and He wants more than anything to match babies with families. I'm also praying that God will reveal something big to you so that you can get a glimpse of His bigger plan.

  2. I know I said before, but I am so broken for you both right now.. tears of grief have been shed in our home for you and your loss and there are really no words. We will continue to pray for peace that surpasses all understanding for each of you... You know I am here if you need to vent...

  3. Mostly wordless over here...but will keep praying for you.

  4. please don't give up hope. i am an adoptee and my parents had gone through a LOT before the finally got me. i was always told that i was special - hand picked just for them, but they had to be very patient so God could get the very best match for all of us. you will find your child. not every birth parent is meant to be a parent, but every child is meant to be with parents in God's plan - it just takes us mortals a while to find the intended fit. God bless you for all you have been through and may his mercy and love keep you on this beautiful journey together until you make your family whole.

  5. I read this yesterday and I've thought and thought on it. You can't give up. This is what it is to parent, it's heartbreak and work and money. There is a child out there that needs you. God knows which one it is, you and any agency do not. I'm sure you told Him He was in control of this and He is. Only He knows the child. Perhaps he or she is not yet born. You have no idea what situation the parents or baby could be in so you don't know at what point that baby will desperately need you. God does know, and I know this - if you don't keep trying, you wont be there when the time comes. Keep being parents now. This is in a sense your pregnancy. Morning sickness, painful stretching of the uterus,sciatica,round ligament pain, the spreading of the pelvic bones - no one really tells you pregnancy is painful. Well Mama, your pregnancy may be different but God never promised that yours would be easier. Now, Cry, grieve for your loss and when you are through (not over) that valley then pick yourself up and start again. (((hugs))) and prayers going to our Mighty Father