Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Book Review: Experiencing Grief

Our grief counselor recommended that we read this little book called Experiencing Grief.  It is available at Amazon for under $4.  This book is a general book on grief.  It is not just for widows or for parents who have lost a child.  Anyone who is wrestling with grief could gain help from this book.  That's one thing that I liked about the book.  The author writes about the emotions and fears that you may experience while grieving, and he gives practical suggestions for dealing with those feelings.

Here are a few quotes that I found helpful:

"Just remember, you don't need to be fixed."
This winter was hard.  Really hard. After losing Baby D, I cried at church every.single.Sunday. from early November to mid-January.  James wanted to have "me" back.  He's an engineer.  He fixes problems.  He's used to looking at a problem, coming up with a solution, and fixing it.  He couldn't "fix" me.  And that frustrated him.  It frustrated me too.  There just wasn't an easy solution.

"The scriptures are not a medicine cabinet, filled with prescriptions to take the edge off life. They are about a God who, during his most painful experience on earth, refused the wine mixed with myrrh that was offered him."
I had turned to the scriptures wanting to find solace. I couldn't find it.  I'd come across a verse like Deut. 4:31 "For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors, which he confirmed to them by oath."  My heart would sting.  God's mercy was elusive. I felt like we had been obedient in following the call the adopt, and I felt like we'd been abandoned.  When I stopped approaching the scriptures like they were they medicine, I began to enjoy reading them again.

"Grief disrupts your mind and thinking ability.  Confusion moves in and memory takes a vacation."
After the loss of Baby #2, I became incredibly forgetful.  I didn't know what was wrong with me.  One Saturday following our loss, I told James that I could not remember what we had done the night before.  We had gone out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants and then we walked around outside for a little while, taking in some unusually warm February weather.  We had a good night, but in that moment I couldn't recall any of that from my memory.  My forgetfulness concerned me, and I was rather relieved to learn that it is a normal part of the grieving process.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for opening your heart about your grief. I can relate in a small way to most of what you said. I know that this will help someone else who is dealing with loss right now.