It's 4:30 pm. That means that our social worker has left the office for the day, and another day has passed without getting an update on Baby M or on the status of our case. It's been just over six weeks since we heard anything. It's been 9 weeks since we turned our acceptance papers in, and we still don't know if our case has been submitted to court.
Our agency has an online forum where the families can communicate with each other. Not all of the families that adopt through our agency participate in the forum, but there are a lot of people who do. From the best I can tell, everyone on the forum who is adopting a child under the age of four has either recently received an update or found out that their case had been submitted to court. Except us.
One of the families who had recently got an update posted some words in hopes of encouraging those of us who are still waiting for news. They said to remember that God is even in the bumps and delays of the adoption process. I believe that. I believe that God is intricately involved in the details of our lives and that he is in control of absolutely everything that happens. However, that doesn't mean that just because he's in control that our lives are going to be happy, pain free, full of butterflies and rainbows. Remember Job? Remember Paul? Ever read through Psalms? David sometimes goes from "I hate my life, why am I not dead" to praising God for his majesty - all in one Psalm. God promises that we will suffer in this life. So it doesn't really make me not worry out the health of Baby M to tell me that "God is involved in the bumps." I believe that he was involved in the lives and deaths of both of the girls that we lost. God being in control does not equal a pain free experience. It does mean that we have to trust his plan and wisdom when it makes no sense to us.
We've been in this place before where other families were getting information and we were left in the dark. It wasn't nice the first time it happened, and I'm not enjoying now either. We went through this time of silence with Baby D - the first baby we lost. In that situation the silence was indicative of bad-awful-terrible news that literally made me physically sick once we finally received it. I can't help but worry that the same thing is going on now. Our social worker and the staff at our agency's national office are going to get sick of hearing from us before this is all over.