Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Our current plan

We've had some tough conversations this week between the two of us and with our agency.  I have cried and shook my fist in anger while on the phone with the staff in our National office and our local agency office.  We had been told over and over again that they never had a family loose a referral due to the death of the child.  On Monday I learned that was not true.  A mom reached out to me and told me that they knew what we were going through because the same thing had happened not just to them, but also to another family.  Both of these families were working with our agency.  I am oh so thankful that this mom contacted me and shared part of her story with me.  We were both upset that the staff had been telling us that no other family in their Ethiopia program had a child die before they could bring them home.  I didn't know what to think, and I was very upset that this information had been withheld from us for whatever reason.  I was able to determine that the staff at the national office had experienced a complete turn over since this other mom had experienced her loss.  The information simply got lost in the shuffle.

These past few months have been awfully hard.  After we lost our first referral, it took a couple of months before I could make it through a church service or read scripture without crying.  After having been told over and over that this hadn't happened to one of their families before, we began to wonder why God seemed to have it out for us.  I looked and looked for someone who had been on this wretched road.  Someone who could tell me that my sorrow would end, just as theirs had.

Last night, I typed out a long, um. . .transparent (i.e. angry) email for the staff.  I labored over my words, and I took out a few things that were probably not appropriate.  I sent the email last night before I went to bed, and turned my phone off - knowing that my social worker would probably call me soon after she got to work and had read it.  I got a call from her at 8:40 this morning.  The staff at HQ wanted to speak with us.  I waited a couple of hours to call her back.  I needed to calm down and get my thoughts together before I said something hurtful to her.  We set up a conference call for noon.

The call was helpful.  I made it clear that we needed to know that we were not alone.  The staff has been very compassionate and patient with us.  They offered their sincere apologies.  We are going to continue to work with this agency, and we are going to stay in their Ethiopia program.  We have changed our age preferences to 12-36 months.  We have no idea how long will have to wait.  We are once again back at the top of the waiting list.  It took us twelve weeks to get our second referral, and I am praying that we hear much sooner than that this time around.  We are greatly encouraged to hear that people are praying for us, just please don't ask if we have any news.  If we'd had a two miscarriages this winter would you ask me if I was pregnant again every time you saw me or talked to me on the phone?  Didn't think so.  Please grant us the same courtesy.


  1. So proud of you for standing up for your family and for standing up for the other families who have been through this and for the children who you and these families have lost. Your loss is unimaginable and I will be praying for you greatly as you continue on this journey. We will be supporting you and James, please know that. And many prayers for each child who is waiting to come home to you and to the other families who are waiting for them too.

  2. Praying for you both and for the baby who will become your daughter. Love you.

  3. I continue to pray for you. I am glad that you were able to get the answers and support you needed from Bethany.

  4. Praying for you both so much!! Lots and lots!! You have been inspiring with your ability to be transparent and real and I appreciate that! Looking forward to and praising God for what is to come with your family! Lots of Love Sister!